My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
