There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
