Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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