Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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