Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I would fuck him just for his dog
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize