2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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