I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if i can run in heels then i can drive
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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