I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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