Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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