No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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