i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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