They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
