you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize