dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize