why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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