Non-Jews are for practice
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
