Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
