i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
