Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
