I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
