i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
