What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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