We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
