Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
