He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
