so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
