i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
