fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
