his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
