happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
