The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
