so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
