So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
