we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
