Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
