How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
