I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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