Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
