...so i touched it.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
