I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
