I wish my penis had an off switch
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How external is "for external use only"?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
