I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
