His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
