You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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