I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize