come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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