i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
