Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
