fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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