I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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