I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
