update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
