We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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