i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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