You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
