(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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