Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize