so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
