My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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