haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He passed out mid-signature
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
