dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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