Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
