It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
