Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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