Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
