i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
